The HOA Sent Me A Violation For A Dog I Do Not Own

The first notice said my dog had been "at large" on 3 May.

I do not have a dog. I have a cat with a personality disorder and a hatred of the outdoors.

I replied and said so.

The second notice, two weeks later, said my dog had been at large again and that the fine was now doubled for repeat violation. Attached was a photograph, taken from across the street, of a beagle standing in my driveway.

It is a nice photograph. Good light. The beagle looks great.

I replied with the sentence "This is not my dog" and, because I have learned things in this community, a copy of my pet registration form — the one they make you file — which lists one cat, by name, with a photograph of her looking like she wants to sue somebody.

The third notice said that "documentation does not preclude undeclared animals" and that the fine now stood at three hundred and twenty dollars.

So I went and knocked on doors.

The beagle is called Rufus. Rufus lives four houses down. Rufus belongs to the treasurer of the association, who has been letting him out in the mornings for years because he "always comes back", which he does, after visiting every driveway on the street, including mine, where he sits in the shade because my drive is the only one with a tree.